Roosh is a young American dating guru and pickup artist.  He is amongst most famous on the internet and has published several books on the mechanics of meeting and dating girls.

He is most notable for his careful, analytic observation of dating and mating, and his detailed examination of his own behaviours and feelings give him an understanding of how and why he is successful with women.  He writes all of this up on his website.

His current article is about what happened to his dating style when he bought and wore a suit. Here is a link to the piece: http://www.rooshv.com/9-things-i-learned-from-wearing-a-suit

Here at What Makes a Man we know that good clothes are vital to dating success.  We wrote a comprehensive series of articles about this subject a while back.  For those of our readers who have not read these, here are the links to our articles:

http://www.whatmakesaman.net/wordpress/2011/12/05/mens-style-for-dating-part-1-how-clothes-work-on-a-date//

http://www.whatmakesaman.net/wordpress/2011/12/05/mens-style-for-dating-part-2-shoes-and-black-shirts//

http://www.whatmakesaman.net/wordpress/2011/12/05/mens-style-for-dating-part-3-good-skin-and-bad-t-shirts/

http://www.whatmakesaman.net/wordpress/2011/12/05/mens-style-for-dating-part-4-jackets-hair-knitwear/

http://www.whatmakesaman.net/wordpress/2011/12/05/mens-style-for-dating-part-5-colognes-look-and-attitude/

I found this article “20 things I love about men” via a link at Instapundit, a site of interesting articles about US life and politics.  In a time when it is so easy to denigrate men and their lives, this is a refreshing change.  The author, Neely Smith, lists 20 things she loves about men.  Not much to add, except to applaud the article and urge women to write more like it.

For the where-to-buy references for the clothes and products recommended here, see the listings at the bottom of this article. 

For our American readers

We have a lot of readers in the US and I need to point out that a number of the brands we refer to in these articles are based in England.  So wherever possible we have put pictures of the clothes or products, so it is possible to understand the point of the recommendation.  Recommendations for US brands that produce similar clothes / products are happily accepted as comments on the article.    

Using these articles

These articles were born out of requests for information by our readers, about what to wear and how to wear it.  So these articles are as specific as possible.  This is in order that, at the very least, readers can see some alternative styles and decide if they will work for them on a date.   

No 8.  DON’T:  Smell bad.  DO: Wear a good fragrance 

How do you smell?

We have talked about bad smells a lot in this series of articles on dating.  That is because women are incredibly sensitive to smells and smells can make or break your date.  If you smell bad, body odour, tobacco, dirty clothes that smell of food, travel, you really have a problem.  Many men look, at their stuff and say, well it’s ok (meaning – not too creased) I’ll wear that.   However if you turn up for a date, especially if you meet indoors, and you smell bad, you are going to trip her alarms.  She is not going to want to touch you, which throws away any efforts you are going to make on the date.

Denim is a problem here.  Remember denim smells.  It either smells because of the chemicals used to process it or it smells because it has absorbed smells out of the air (or you!).  Wet denim always smells, no matter how often you have washed it.  Denim that has been rained on has that suffocating damp upholstery smell.    

A woman friend once said to me “A woman will not get naked with a man who smells”.  I think that that is broadly true. 

By contrast several women friends have said the same thing to me.  A man who turns up on a date clean, smelling of good aftershave/cologne, gets a pass on so many other things!  

Deathzone

Mixture of body odour, stale clothes (those cotton jackets).  The shirt smells of Indian/Thai food because it has not been washed since you ate out.  Don’t expect a hug.  

Men’s fragrances

For most men, fragrances are difficult to do well and the little we know about them we learn from our fathers.  Fragrances are a complex subject in their own right.  For that reason we have written two separate and detailed articles about them here and here.  In this piece we will cover the ground rules.  For a detailed understanding of how to be successful with men’s colognes read the articles referred to in the previous sentence.

The magnificent and manly Terre D'Hermes

The basics of Colognes

Men’s perfumes are a mixture of aromatic essenses, oils and a fixative (usually alcohol).  Most colognes are a complex blend of aromatic essences, combined to give a particular “type” of scent.   Men’s fragrances span a spectrum from the lightly floral, through to more heavier floral spicy colognes to muskier, woody colognes which have a more intrusive presence.   

Wearing Colognes on a date

So the rule here is simple.  Apply the fragrance at least two hours before your date.  This gives the cologne time to wear in, interact with your skin and release its complex aromas.  Never put on cologne just before a date.  All but the softest colognes have highly fragrant (usually floral) topnotes that need to evaporate some before the cologne wears in.  If yuo spray      

Tip

You get what you pay for.  Buy a good cologne (see our list here) rather than a cheap one.  Cheap colognes are mostly synthetic aromas and alcohol and can be very nasty smells.  Buy one good cologne.

Tip

Know what you are wearing.  When you buy the cologne, put it on in your flat, house or mansion, with only yourself present.  After two hours bring your attention back to the cologne, what does it smell of?  Do you think it suits you?   Colognes change their aroma over time, partly as a result of their interaction with you skin.  To a degree, the scent becomes uniquely yours. 

Colognes are immensely valuable to a dating man – Here’s why

Women are excited by colognes.  Perfumes are a huge attractor factor for women.  The effect of fragrances cannot be underestimated.  To repeat what my friend Sass says “we women really appreciate a man who smells good and we will forgive him other style missteps if he wears a good cologne“.  Colognes also have a secondary effect.  They tell women that you have some level of discrimination, of taste.  That you have a style.  This makes you individual and further sparks their interest in you.  Simple, if you think about it.         

Colognes that work

In our article here, we match up men’s fragrances with manly style types, including those which from our own experience, we know to be winners.  However I have also seen a survey referred to (have not been able to find it) in which a group of men’s fragrances were tried out on women, who were then asked which of those fragrances made them feel sexy.  The results were

In first place, Black by Kenneth Cole.  I have to confess I have not heard of this fragrance, nor smelt it.    

Kenneth Cole Black

In second place, Polo by Ralp Lauren.  This I can understand.  Polo cologne is classy, fresh, fruity and clean-smelling.  It is a little too athletic for my taste and my own opinion is that it is more suitable for younger men, say, 20-35 in age.  I offer this information for what it is worth.  If anyone has the original survey please mail me with a link.    

Ralph Lauren Polo fragrance

Colognes in brief and in detail

This has been a very brisk walkthrough of how colognes help you on a date.  For much more on colognes, including our receommendations and how to buy a good cologne, go here.

No 9.  DON’T:  look like a bag of washing tied in the middle.  DO: have a look that reflects your style and personality

How you look

So having read all of the articles in this srries you should now be the guy who knows how to dress for a date. 

So you are not;

Wearing jeans or t-shirt (or both!)

Wearing old, soiled clothes.  Especially washed out shirts. 

Wearing a t-shirt, or worse, wearing a t-shirt under a cotton jacket. 

Wearing black

Wearing an old frayed dress shirt

Your clothes do not have to be new but they cannot be worn out.  I see a lot of guys wearing old jeans that are too tight around the middle, with a washed-out dress shirt bundled into the jeans and an old jacket on top.  It is a dispirited and defeated look.    

Deathzone

(The infamous) Cotton jacket, t-shirt and jeans.

Build a good look

It only takes a little application to build a few good looks (outfits, as they used to be called).  A coherent look broadcasts your style and status and is useful for a lot more than dating.  Style says that you are a winner in the game of life.  My rationale is always dress well, you never know when you might need a little extra luck.     

A last word on Shirts

The lynchpin of your look is your shirt.  The shirt is the focus of your look (especially from your date’s perspective) and a good shirt can “lift” an otherwise pedestrian outfit, making it look sharper more high status and more lively.  So do the following:

Wear a new shirt, or at least a new-ish shirt.  It will make you look like you care (spent some money) about your style, even if  the shirt is the only part of your outfit that is good.  It is the ultimate stop-gap in style.

Thomas Pink Shirt

 Wear a shirt with good, definitive colour in it.  It really helps here if you know what colours suit you.  If you do not, ask a friend, preferably a woman, or a salesman in a good shirt shop, what colours they think might suit you.  If you are London-based, go to Emmett here or Nino’s here or Eterno here or Pink here.  All these stores do wonderful things with colour.  Colour lifts your look, presents you as adventurous (no dull white shirt for you) and having some level of taste.  All things that will engage women on a date.   

If you can wear it, get a fitted shirt (slim-fit ranges exist in most premium brands).  Fit is important, women notice it and you will look sexier if the shirt does not have excess material bunching up on you. 

Jackets

Wear a wool jacket with some structure to it.  If it is not a new or new-ish jacket then have it dry-cleaned before the date.  The cleaning and pressing will temporarily restore it shape and smooth out the stresses and stretches that you have worn into it.

Trousers

If your jacket and shirt are fitted, make sure that you continue the look with a good pair of trousers.  If you are slim or tall, then a narrow leg trouser will suit you.  I am tall (6’2″) and broad (44inch chest).  I never buy trousers that are more than eighteen inches wide.   Those trousers make me look tall, elegant and classy.

Shoes

We have talked about this before but if you have a good pair of shoes, (English, good brand, Goodyear-welted) then no matter how old they are, they will look good if you polish them up.  Chestnut or chocolate brown shoes go well with most of the clothes featured in these articles.  

Metal / Jewellery

Watch, ring, bracelet, earring, belt-buckle.  One colour, either silver or gold.  If you have had a colour analysis completed you will know which metallic colour suits you.   Do not mix silver and gold, it looks untidy and chavvy (cheap).        

Try not to look odd

You want to look stylish and special, and it takes just a little effort.  People will not be honest with you, they want to be kind and will tell you that you look fine.  The truth is, that if you mess up your look you are going to look odd.  So if you have a good jacket but wear an old t-shirt, baggy at the neck…odd.  So if you have good shirt, jacket, trousers and you wear trainers…. Odd.  Everyone says “do your own thing”, that’s just 60′s crap.  Clothes are like everything else, you can learn to do them well.

Quality and the good date story

Quality clothing tells its own story.  Quality brands use better fabrics, are better finished (stitched), fit better.  All of this is visible to your date, she’s a woman and this stuff is second nature to her.  It all helps her build a good story about you (without you needing to open your mouth).

Good Looks

Here are a couple of looks to consider. 

English country casual (from Hackett)

Hackett look

Why is this a good look?  Partly because the colours work together so well.   The white in the chinos is reflected in the white of the jacket weave and they complement each other.  The blue shirt colour- tones both the jacket and the trousers.

 Most of all because the outfit is casual (chinos, sports jacket) yet it has a defined shape.  Without the trenchcoat this guy would have an attractive silhouette (remember Part 1 – The Eight Second rule?), a shape which is both elegant and manly at the same time.  The fact that his belt and shoes match show he knows what he is about, style-wise.  A woman on a date would get that.  

Here is another    

Corneliani jacket

 

Now this is a good look.  This guy has taken a Corneliani jacket, which in itself is not a particularly remarkable jacket, being a plain grey.  However he has brought it to life with a colourful shirt (Remember the maxim  “The shirt lifts the jacket”).  Notice that the shirt is new. 

He has then gone on to jazz up the look with a Cary Grant-style pocket handkerchief, which picks up the white in his shirt.  I personally would have worn a blue pocket handerkerchief, and that would have picked up the blue in the shirt and made the blue flower superfluous. 

However, this is a really good yet simple American style look. 

Looking Good

Make it obvious that you know what you are doing with your clothes.  These guys ensure that all their clothes reflect a single style.  The colours complement each other.  There is an undestanding that shoes and belt have to match.  This is the key to dressing for a date.   

No 10.  DON’T Do:  ”Dont care till I get there”.  DO: Wear your clothes with style

Attitude

Dates can be nerve-wracking affairs.  In my experience it is always the one you want to go well that is the most difficult.    I get a lot of “Dont care till I get there”, from men.  There is the attitude of well it’s what I am wearing, so it will do.  This bravado usually lasts until the actual date and then they become conscious of their clothes.  Then they feel uncomfortable.  I have even had men tell me how they have made excuses for their clothes while on dates.          

So use your clothes to support you.

The minimum

At minimum, you want good clothes that fit you, clean.  They should fit.  Your shoes must be clean.  If I had this much, I would feel comfortable.  I never want to feel like I have to apologise for my clothes.

Have some attitude, wear some colour.

So remember, a shirt “lifts” your clothes more than a jacket does.  So a good shirt, dress shirt for preference, will give your clothes more status and more presence than any other item of clothing.  Wear a noticeable colour, tone it down with your jacket.  Men who wear colour are perceived as more adventurous and charismatic.  It’s a difference you can feel.

Dress for the event

If it is a drinks date after work, then a suit looks good, team it with a non-work shirt (colour, patterns, stripes, textures) and lose the tie.  If it is semi-formal, add some good wool trousers to a jacket.  When you are on a date you need to be comfortable with your clothes.  Being underdressed and uncomfortable kills your confidence, no matter how you dismiss the feeling.  It’s always better to be overdressed for a date than underdressed. 

What makes you look good

Find out what makes you look good and wear it.  I look great in any kind of blue shirt.  My friend Pete says that “women check out your rear”  (which is true) and so he has some trousers that make his rear look good.  He also has cool skin tones and hair colouring and he looks handsome and charismatic in black and white.  For formal restaurant parties he often wears a tuxedo suit.  It really works for him.      

Smell Good

Know some colognes.  Know what they smell of.  Wear them regularly.  After a while, you will feel more stylish whenever you put them on, attitude helps.

Work some contrasts

This is advanced stuff but you can get comfortable with it.  The simplest one is to tuck a silk square into the breast pocket of your jacket.  Jewellery helps here. 

Advanced stuff; Jewellery

If you are wearing conventional clothes, like a suit or jacket and trousers, you can wear a belt with an ornate buckle.  Cuff jewellery is exotic but manly, here are leather and semi-precious stones.  You need the charisma to go with this look.

Here is an ornate belt from Elliott Rhodes

Elliott Rhodes Skull Belt

The End for Now

So this is the last article in the series.  Your ultimate aim should be to have a defined individual style.  Over time this will integrate itself into your personality and you will change, for the better.   

More in this series

To read the other articles in this series:

Part 1: How clothes work on a date, is here

Part 2: Shoes and coloured shirts, is here

Part 3: Good skin and bad t-shirts, is here

Part 4: Jackets, hair and knitwear, is here

Men’s Fragrances: How to choose them, is here

Men’s Fragrances: 20 Good Fragrances reviewed, is here 

Details

Fragrance

Hermes is here

Kenneth Cole is here

Ralph Lauren is here

Clothes

Thomas Pink, shirtmaker, is here

Hackett, English style. is here

The superb Corneliani, with their sexy Italian men’s tailoring, is here

Elliott Rhodes is here

For the where-to-buy references for the clothes and products recommended here, see the listings at the bottom of this article. 

For our American readers

We have a lot of readers in the US and I need to point out that a number of the brands we refer to in these articles are based in England.  So wherever possible we have put pictures of the clothes or products, so it is possible to understand the point of the recommendation.  Recommendations for US brands that produce similar clothes / products are happily accepted as comments on the article.    

No 5.  DON’T:  Cotton Jackets.  DO: A tailored jacket 

Cotton and Cotton denim jackets – awful.

So back in the seventies they had flairs, which made most men look like dicks.  The modern equivalent is the cotton jacket.  These are jackets cut as a standard suit jacket, but made out of cotton, or poor quality cotton denim.  They are supposed to be a look that straddles casual and smart casual.   I see lots of Englishmen wearing them.  They are an economy buy and they look really bad.

It’s a question of tailoring.  These jackets are cut on a standard block and meant to be worn tight, which is where it becomes stupid.  Cotton, unlike wool and silk, does not “give”.  Wool has the capability to expand slightly and accommodate your body shape, cotton does not.  So these jackets sit awkwardly on anyone who is not a perfect shape.   

Worse, is these jackets deform very quickly.  Unlike a real jacket they have no internal canvas, and are held together with large, visible and ugly seams.  These are under the arm down to the hip, parallel down the shoulders.  If you are really unlucky they are also seamed down the chest, down through the pectoral.  So when the fabric gets damp (perspiration, rain) and then dries, the cheap seams contract and bunch up.  They pucker and bend, the thing SHRINKS.  This is beyond crappy, you look like you bought the wrong size.  The skirts lift and the chest compresses, so the overall effect is that you have a puny chest and a fat arse sticking out. 

Even worse is that these things are designed to colour fade.  So you get some washed-out shade of blue, green or brown, which in turn makes you look washed out.  Lots of men think that these are a substitute for a good sports jacket or a good leather jacket and compound the error by wearing them for years, when their useful life can be measured in weeks (at best).

Also, unlike wool, they do not wick away perspiration and other odours and the bleaches used to give them a semblance of being a garment often smell too.  These things SMELL BAD. 

If you turn up on a date wearing one of these you send a subconscious message that you are cheap, inconsequential and physically misshapen.  If you buy one you should have “Loser” tattooed on your forehead. 

When I spoke to women about these jackets I was struck by how much they hate them.  One woman friend described them as “as bad as shell-suits ” (nylon sweat pants and tops for our American readers). 

I saw this guy wearing one of these and it was as bad it looks.  I shot it from behind, partly to ensure his anonymity. 

Cotton Jacket

The jacket really did rise up on the left side, its not a Photoshop trick.  It is wrinkly and ugly.  The mad thing is that this guy was fit and good-looking.  However wearing this crumpled mess ruins his look.   And, I am sorry to say, it did smell.

The Deathzone

One of these horrible jackets with colour-faded jeans.  Cheap and nasty beyond redemption.

Real Jackets

So every man should have at least one good jacket, they are so versatile and useful.  For dating, they are essential.  Women find a defined silhouette really sexy and the way to get one is to wear a good jacket.  TThis works especially well if your body-shape is not perfect, a good jacket re-frames your outline/silhouette into something that women find attractive.     

And lets be clear about jackets, what I mean here is a conventional classic jacket, with lapels and some internal; structuring.  The material should at least be wool.  Silk, cashmere and other luxury fabrics should be considered an advanced class.  Finally, just to be clear, we are talking about off-the-peg here. 

Which way to go? English, American or Italian style?.

Which of these national styles suit you?  Here’s a very short summary of how these jackets work.     

English

Long, slim cut, high proud straight shoulder, gives you a very hard silhouette.  Commanding, high status and slightly old-school.  Lots of wonderful fabrics, wool worsteds, tweeds, but a fairly restrained colour palette. 

Combinations    English jackets have a lot of structure and symbolic history, so can be paired up with lots of other clothes.  They are the only jackets that can be successfully paired with jeans, in my opinion.   

Hackett wool worsted jacket

Great for the man with the classic figure, wide chest, small waist.  Really good for the tall skinny man, if tailored correctly (see tailoring, below). 

American       

Long cut, cut broader in the chest and waist. More forgiving overall, still a definitive silhouette, but slightly more relaxed.  Fabrics are often plainer, without the texture of English jackets and a wider, if simpler, colour palette. 

Very good for the bigger man.  Gives an acceptable shape to men who are overweight, but remember, it’s a jacket, not a miracle, it won’t turn you into Brad Pitt.  

Jacket from the superb Brooks Brothers

Combinations.  American jackets can be a little staid, so wool trousers and a good shirt works here. 

Italian        

More rounded, curvy shape, sinous and sexy.  Sleeves are narrower, making Italian jackets (and you) look lighter and slimmer.  Wonderful fine wools, much more daring colours.    

Great for the shorter man or for a man with an unconventional shape.  Italian jackets can look a bit tight, a bit silly, on tall men.  If you are a big man you need to be careful when buying an Italian jacket.  One tip is to ask for a size larger than you normally wear, try it on and go up and down from there.      

Canali Jacket

Combinations.  Really good with chinos, good quality wool trousers.  Work well with knitwear (instead of a dress shirt) underneath.

Tailoring

Your jacket needs to fit.  Off-the-peg jackets are built for a standard size dimension.  Sometimes you can buy a jacket off the peg and it fits perfectly.  This is incredibly rare, it has only happened to me twice in a lifetime of buying good clothes.

So when you buy it off the peg, have it tailored, it is really worth the money.  The better your jacket fits, the more attractor signals you will send to your date’s subconscious. 

There are two essentials. 

Chest and waist.  Especially for tall men, the chest and waist should be tight, with jiust a little room to manoeuvre (enough to get a shirt and a fine knit sweater underrneath).  The outline should be sleek and streamlined. 

Test it.  Look in the mirror when you try it on, turn around.  If the jacket “swivels” around your torso and the skirts flap around then it needs tailoring.        

Wrists – English or American?

The English style is to show a little shirt cuff.  The American style is for the jacket cuff to completely cover the shirt cuff.

Getting wrists right is vitally important.  If the sleeve is too short and you have half your forearm sticking out, it looks stupid, and to be honest, it looks poverty stricken.  If it is too long, covering any part of your hand, you look a bit clueless, like a little boy.

Test it.  When you try a jacket, be sure you are wearing a dress shirt that fits you well at the cuff.  Look in the mirror, where does the jacket cuff fall?  Bend you arm at a right angle.  Where is the jacket cuff?  

Structured versus Unstructured

Unstructured jackets are very popular right now.  They are lighter and easier to wear, cooler in warm air-conditioned environments.  Structured jackets have a canvas (inner chassis) which helps them hold their shape.  Also some jackets rely on the canvas to provide a foundation for the complex stitching that gives them their shape.  The high hard shoulder in an English jacket that gives it that manly shape relies on a classic canvas.     

Basically a structured jacket with an inner canvas will hold its shape longer, last longer and better.  That said, the light feeling of an unstructured jacket is great and give you an entirely different attitude.  The choice is yours.

But please, no cotton jackets. 

Making it yours        

This is old school but still true.  When you buy a jacket it is new and the first time you wear it, it looks “new” and a little raw, a little odd.  You want your clothes to look comfortable on you, you want a personal style.  So remember that a jacket needs a few wears before it settles “into shape”.  This means it subtly conforms to your unique individual body shape.      

A good jacket helps define your style.  Enjoy finding a good one.

No 6.  DON’T:  Umkempt beards, dirty hair.  DO: shaped, groomed beard

Beards

 A lot of women find beards sexy.  Studies show that men who wear beards are felt (by women) to like themselves, see their appearance as important and want to stand out from the crowd.  For this reason many women are attracted to men with beards.  Women friends of mine like men with beards.

But it has to be the right beard.

The studies also found that the positives only applied if the beards were well-groomed and maintained (clean).  So your beard has to have a defined shape, it has to be clean, it has to be soft.  If it is hard and spiky and you kiss her and it tears her lip, well, once again, game over.  

The Deathzone

This is absolutely how not to do it – homeless person.

Brad Pitt with beard (kind of)

Beards done right and good hair 

Ben Affleck with a well-groomed beard

 

This is easy enough.  Beard trimmers are a necessity.  I use a Phillips Turbovac, which has the fine blade settings I like.  The vac part is really efficient, I have never had to resort to cleaning beard hairs off the bathroom floor.  If you have a beard, you must groom it before a date.  Trim before you shower, you get a better cut and a better finish.     

Phillips Turbovac Q4040 Beard Trimmer

Beard shampoos are useful, Beard softeners are essential, if you are not going to pincushion her face.  I like the Beardsley range of products.  They are harder to get in England but lots of internet companies sell them.

Beardsley Ultimate Beard conditioner

However what really works for me above all else is the classic Moustache Wax from Taylors of Old Bond Street.  I use this on a daily basis.  It is fragrance-free, easy to work in, invisible once on and gives just the right amount of hold.  It also softens the beard.  Which is of course essential when kissing women….  Nothing spoils the mood more than your beard pricking her in the lip. 

Moustache wax from Taylors of Old Bond Street

Tip

The thing that makes your beard spiky and sharp is cutting it to shape with a razor.  So after shaving, trim you beard with a beard trimmer or, if you need something smaller, use a pair of fine scissors.   

Shaving (and shaving around the beard)

I promise a full article on shaving another time but for now really just a tip.  Use a shaving gel not a foam.  Foams often contain synthetic chemicals which dry and damage your skin.  I always recommend a shaving gel because by working the gel into your skin you get a better contact between the emulsion and the area to be shaved.   If like me you wear a beard I recommend a clear shaving gel.  It makes it so much easier to see what you are doing and shave into the line of your beard.  Precision is called for, and a clear gel helps prevent you accidentally chopping out a chunk of your beard.   

Your Hair

As with your skin, your hair is a factor when you get into the closeup zone.  It must be clean, hair has an unfortunate capability to trap smells.  A good haircut should give your hair texture and movement.  If you have good hair, obviously wax and styling gel will give it shape.  If you are folically challenged, get a good tight haircut from a good barber.  You need to experiment here, but a good barber will give a short haircut texture, which you can improve on with a good (fine) styling gel.   

There are too many products to list here, so just some brief recommendations. 

I like organic products without Parabens or other petrochemical additives.  My hair is naturally fine (for a man) and I need something that I can use regularly without stripping the oils out of my hair.  I use the Jason Aloe Vera range, both the shampoo and for styling the ultimate gel.

No 7.  DON’T:  Baggy knitwear.  DO: One good sweater

There are several problems with knitwear with regard to dating.  Truthfully, doing knitwear well on a date is hard.  My suggestion is to follow the guidelines below.  

I learnt the hard way that dress-down knitwear, big cable-stitch sweaters do not work for me.  And though they work really well as part of a natural, casual look, that look does not suit many man.  Sure, most brands promote that look, because selling you natural-style casual clothes makes brands more money.  But the truth is that we are mostly urban folk now and we do not wear that look well.  I have a friend, Tim, who is about six foot four, broadchested, strong, masses of red-blond hair, rugged good looks, looks like a Viking just dropped out of a time machine (curse him).  So Tim looks good in rugged cable-stitch sweaters, most men dont. 

Knitwear is expensive, deforms easily, damages easily and is difficult to do well unless you know what colours suit you (back to the colour analysis again). 

So some rules of thumb are:

If knitwear is old, do not wear it on a date. 

Fit is very important.  it is a key factor in making a visual impact on your date.  Old kintwear will be baggy, misshapen and suggests you are an odd shape.

Do not wear knitwear on a date without washing it.

Knitwear harbours smells more than any other clothing.  Women are acutely conscious of smells, on both the conscious and the subconscious level.  I cannot emphasis this enough.  Women are driven by their emotional states.  If you smell bad, you will soon change her emotional state to one where she simply wants to be away from you.   You can dress like a bad boy but if you smell like one you are finished. 

Every Autumn I take all of my knitwear from the wardrobe and wash it.  I have built up a collection of good (and often expensive) knitwear so it takes time and care to wash it.  But it is worth it.  Apart from anything else, knitwear that has spent the summer in a wardrobe, is dull and ”flat” looking.  It needs pepping up.

Buy knitwear that fits

I once went to Gemelli, the famous knitwear shop in Milan.  They are the only men’s knitwear shop I have ever been to, where it was possible to buy knitwear by chest size.  Superb.  However in England and America it pays to experiment, because “small” ”medium” and “large” mean different things to different brands.  Oversized knitwear makes you look stupid   

The Deathzone

Baggy, smelly and old.  Knitwear.  Women complain that they meet men who are weak and need looking after.  In style terms, nothing says ineffectual and weak as plainly as crappy old sweaters.  The corollary to this is giant cable-stitch sweaters on small men, 25lbs of wool on a man who only weighs 110 lbs.  Mummy’s boy.    

Good Knitwear

Know your style

Fashion is no guide here.  Types of knitwear goes in and out of fashion, but the fundamental truth is that all styles are wearable, but you have to know your style to do them well.  The other problem is that knitwear sizes are so variable.  In my view, it is impossible to buy good knitwear on the Internet, unless you trust the brand’s returns policy.  You have to try it on.    

Good knitwear Brands

You gotta find them and cherish them.  In England I like Daks (superb), Linea, Uniqlo, Ermangildo Zegna (Esp. the Roll-necks) and John Smedley.  

Crewneck sweaters

 The standby.  They suit most men.  If you have a belly, they are good at hiding it, especially in darker colours.  The danger here is in buying too large a size, in which case you look like a shapeless mess. 

Tip

Wear a dress shirt when you try on the crewneck, one that you know fits you well .  There should be enough space under the crewneck to wear the shirt comfortably.  Too tight, and you have the buttons on the shirt placket sticking up like a row of vertical nipples.  Too big and you are back to the shapeless mess.

Here is a superb Uniqlo cashmere crewneck I picked up the other day, for very little money.      

Uniqlo Cashmere Crewneck

Mock-Turtleneck

These are back big-time, courtesy of Steve Jobs.  I have a lot for time for turtlenecks, they are classic, easy to wear and confer real style (remember high status rules) when worn under a good jacket, Italian for preference.  The only problem is getting a good neck and body fit, you do not want this type of sweater to be too loose, it statrts to look a bit smock-y.  Here is a classic from John Smedley;

John Smedley mock-turtleneck

 V-Neck

V-necks are surprisingly difficult to wear.  If you are a big guy, the depth of the gorge (the V) can be a problem.  Too deep (and wide) and it looks like you are busting out of your clothes.  Too small and it looks like the sweater is strangling you.  Also, in England at least, v-neck sweaters have enduring connotations of preppy schoolboys, so you have to be careful with v-necks, they can make your look seem pedestrian and timid.  That said, a well-fitting v-neck is the prefect sweater for a compact guy.  V-necks are very much try before you buy.

Here is a v-neck from Linea, a brand I like for their good finishing and inventive colouring;

Linea v-neck sweater

Knitwear for dating

The rule of thumb here has to be sweaters that fit, that are at minimum clean and to be honest, as new as possible.  Solid (single) colour would be my preference.  Multi-coloured sweaters are too difficult to match up to the rest of an outfit.     

More in this series

To read the other articles in this series:

Part 1: How clothes work on a date, is here 

Part 2: Shoes and black shirts, is here

Part 3: Good skin and bad t-shirts, is here

Part 5: Smell, look and attitude, is here

Men’s Fragrances: How to choose them, is here

Men’s Fragrances: 20 Good Fragrances reviewed, is here 

Details

Jackets

Hackett English ready-to-wear style is here

Brooks Brothers is here

Canali is here

Beards

Phillips is here

Beardsley is here

Taylors of Old Bond Street is here

Knitwear

Daks is here

Ermangildo Zegna is here

Uniqlo is here

Linea is here

John Smedley is here

Style Do’s and Don’ts for dating

If you came here from any other part of the dating do’s and don’ts series you will know that this is the one of the posts where we give specific clothes recommendations.  This post is about good skin and casual shirts.  For links to the other posts on colognes, jackets etc see the bottom of this article. 

For the where-to-buy references for the clothes and products recommended here, see the listings at the bottom of this article. 

For our American readers

We have a lot of readers in the US and I need to point out that a number of the brands we refer to in these articles are based in England.  So wherever possible we have put pictures of the clothes or products, so it is possible to understand the point of the recommendation.  Recommendations for US brands that produce similar clothes / products are happily accepted as comments on the article.    

No 3.  DON’T: Dirty skin, razor cuts or burns.  DO: Smooth, clean facial skin  

 Dating is a contact sport, your skin is your weapon.

At minimum it should be clean.  But how touchable is it? (and we are talking about getting women into the touch zone here).    So face and hands first.  If your facial skin is dry and peeling, reddened, patchy, then you are not so kissable.  Once again, as with dirty shoes,you will unnerve your date.  You are sitting thinking about what to say and she is thinking about how she kisses you without tasting your razor-burn (it may not bleed but it weeps – which is nasty). 

Good skin doesn’t make a small difference, it makes a dramatic one.  Good skin on a man draws women like a magnet.  We men are lucky, wrinkles give us character, but they look much better on smooth healthy-looking skin.   

Hands are critical.  Women always check out your hands and they are turned on by men with good hands.  Once again, it is something they will tell their girlfriends about. 

I have crap hands, ruined by years of martial arts, so I try to look after them well, by way of compensation.  Your hands have to be clean, no cuts or blood and with as little hard skin as possible.  I have some martial arts calluses on my hands and I know from experience that if I let them get hard they can snag on a woman’s skin and prick her, scratch her. Women’s skins are so much softer than ours but that’s the fun of it, right? 

It goes without saying your nails have to be clean.  You know that.

The Deathzone

Pimples, blackheads or cuts on the face of any man over 25.  It says dirty, possibly diseased.

Good Skin

Taking care of your skin is a really big subject, so I am going to concentrate on the basics you need for dating.  So here are some ground rules. This is how I treat my skin. 

Clean and exfoliate your skin. 

Designer stubble has a lot to answer for.  Like every good idea, it falls into the wrong hands.  In this case, men who think grooming is optional.  Your skin traps dirt, skin cells die and your skin gets a grey pallor.  You need to clean it.

Soap and water are not enough.   Your facial skin cells die, like all your body cells.  Dead skin cells impede circulation; go a dull grey-white colour which makes your skin tone look unhealthy.  An exfoliant scrubs out the dead skin cells, helps restore circulation, and improves your skin tone.

Moisturise your skin

Your skin gets dry, especially in England, where the damp and the wind have a harsh effect on your facial skin.  As result your skin becomes dry, hard, pores are enlarged, wrinkles become more pronounced.  You get dry skin peels.  Your skin becomes progressively, noticeably less pleasant to the touch.  Your skin becomes prone to irritations, spots, red blemishes.  Worst of all, dry skin makes you look older.  As you get older, your skin loses its elasticity and that too makes you look older.  Moisturising the skin helps it retain its elasticity, keeps you younger looking.

Grooming Routine

So here is my facial grooming routine.  Also, because there are so many men’s grooming products available and this is a multipart article I am going to recommend  the products I use. 

Cleaning my skin

For my daily routine I use the Deep Cleaning Face Wash in the “Men” range from The Organic Pharmacy.  I have pale, sensitive skin and I find that though this cleanser is very effective, it is gentle enough for daily use.

Organic Pharmacy Men's face wash

Twice a a week I use a Glycolic Daily Facial Cleanser form Sk:N.  I find this to be a powerful cleanser.  Once I have used it I can really see a difference in my skin.  I find it too powerful to use daily. 

Sk:N glycolic face wash and exfoliant

I have used the Sk:N clinics for services like face peels and I can recommend them.  More on this another time.

Moisturising my skin

I use a day and night moisturiser. 

For the day I like Ahava’s Protective Moisturising Fluid for Men.  To read my extended review of it, go here.

I like several others, including the Dermologica and Nickel’s facial moisturiser, but the Ahava is my current favourite.  It is long lasting, has an SPF factor 15 and is fragrance free. 

For the night I like Anthony Logistics for Men all purpose facial moisturiser.  I use a number of Anthony Logistics products and think they are superbly effective. 

Anthony logistics facial moisturiser

This moisturiser is heavy enough for the night but not too heavy so it soaks in easily.  So if, in the middle of the night you decide its fun time with your favourite girl, you are not wearing a greasy face mask….

Alternately I like Kiehls Ultra Facial Moisturiser, which I think is actually  sold for girls.  But like all Kiehls products, it really works.  Rich and heavier than the Anthony’s but very effective. 

Kiehls ultra facial moisturiser

Twice a week I use a hydrating B5 gel, once again from Sk:N.  This heavy-duty moisture gel re-hydrates my face after getting dryed out and dirty working in London.  Also if I have a heavy night with lots of alcohol I use it the next day.  Alcohol really dehydrates your facial skin, along with everything else.

Sk:N Hydrating gel with vitamin B5

Hands

I like Kiehls hand cream (salve) or Ahava’s Dermud intensive hand cream.

Kiehls hand salve

Skin Cosmetics that have really worked for me

So I am simply a stylish and vain guy.  I am no cosmetologist.  But credibility is important to me.   All the products recommended here are ones I have used.  At various times I have used products which have worked incredibly well for me.  Here they are:

Elemis Pro-Collagen Marine Cream

This is a moisturiser.  I got a free sample some six years ago and was shocked at how good it was.  I have been using it ever since.  It has an immediately noticeable effect, your skin becomes softer, smoother, even in direct sunlight wrinkles look less deep.  Overall my skin looks younger, lighter. 

It is not as long lasting a cream as the Ahava or Nickel creams so a little expensive to use as a day cream.  I use it for weekends and special occasions.  It feels great on, too.

Nickel Silicon Anti-Aging Cream for men

This stuff is magical.  Nickel are a French brand, and make a range of competitively priced men’s cosmetics.  I would recommend them whole-heartedly.  However, the Silicon Anti-Aging cream for men is the best.  We wrote about Nickel Spas here. 

Nickel silicon anti-aging cream

I put this on for parties and big events, whenever I want to look good.  It is a fragrance-free translucent crème that goes on easily.  It visibly smooths the sharp edges of wrinkles, makes your skin look smoother and healthier.  It takes ten years off your visible age.  If you are going on a date, use this, it will help.   

REN Frankincense/Boswellia revitalising night cream

So this is a girl’s night cream.  I first bought it for my wife more than ten years ago and discovered that she did not use Ren products.  It seemed a shame to waste it so I used it. 

REN night revitalising cream

It had an immediate and dramatic effect.  I had red razor bumps that had been around for twenty years (young man hangover shaving).  The cream got rid of most of them.  The largest was very large but the cream reduced it to virtually nothing.  I had several enlarged pores which shrank back to normal size.  My skin became much less prone to razor irritation and redness.  All in all, this cream worked really well for me.  I do not know if the effect is common to all men but I would definitely recommend it.

Those of you who are over 30 will know that around the age of 30 a man’s skin just falls off a cliff.  My experience and that of a lot of my friends was that all the wrinkles and dry skin came home to roost at once.  A bit of simple maintenance will help. 

No 3.  DON’T: T-shirts.  DO: Polos 

T-Shirts

Bad idea.  If you are a guy over twenty-five, terrible idea.  T-Shirts have no structure, the cotton is invariably poor, they bag from the start, they look cheap and crap.  They make you look crap.  I have an acquaintance, who owns a very big T-shirt business.  His T-shirts are made by the same company that make T-Shirts for top brands.  He said to me “T-shirts are good for two wears at best.  After that, they are distorted out of shape”.  “You should throw them away after that.”  T-shirts say lowest common denominator.  If you wear them on a date, especially a first date, you are definitiely not Alpha male.  I know, lots of men wear them, thats why you should not.

Look, if you are a superfit guy with the perfect body, wear the damn things.  If you are an imperfectly shaped man, think about it.  My right shoulder sits an inch higher than my left, the reward for a lifetime of Karate and favouring a right-hand strike.  If I wear a t-shirt, it pulls towards the right shoulder, across the neck of the t-shirt.  Not a good look.  T-shirts are great if you are some cute twenty-year old guy, who is still in the “play/adolescent” stage of life.

Do not wear a t-shirt if you want to impress women.  Here are some of the real don’t-dos.

Commemorative

So you go to a party or on a date wearing a t-shirt that says “Oregon beer festival 2006” or  “Bold Trekkers Con 2005”.  Hell, not only will the women refuse to talk to you, the men will also back away.  These shirts say BORE.  That you are incapable of  discriminating between hobbies and style.  And these t-shirts are how old exactly?  You have been wearing them all this time?  You know, I have two t-shirts that commemorate big events in the martial arts.  I wear them to sleep in. 

Vintage

Once again, for kids.  The idea is that they are ironic, kids grooving on nostalgia.  If you are a mature man wearing a “Led Zeppelin, Houses of the Holy” cover art  or “Castrol Protects” in huge San Serif, you are riding for a fall.  People might think that you bought it when the album was released or the oil was being sold….you old man.    

Logo

The whole logo thing is now completely devalued.  The premium brands all started the same way, as craftsmen producing reliable quality product.  Buying a t-shirt that they had knocked up in a sweatshop in China marks you as gullible at best.         

If you are over thirty, face it.  T-shirts are underwear.

The Deathzone

Heavy, thrash or death metal.  Any kind of heavy metal band t-shirt sends a message of emotionally incompetent, incapable of a relationship.  One of the ugliest things I ever saw was in the Nineties.  Dress-down Fridays in a major US bank I worked in.  The IT guys would come in wearing Pantera and Rage Against the Machine t-shirts, girls being raped by dragons.  Black shirt, logo, black jeans.  They thought it said something about them.  Unfortunately it did.

Polo Shirts

So we already ruled out t-shirts.  Everybody needs casual shirts and here we recommend polo shirts.  If you have read this far you will have begun to understand that discrimination is the key here.  That you need a minimum understanding of what clothes do in order to dress well.  Polo shirts have more structure, hold their shape, emphasise your manly shape while providing a modicum of civilised style.    

You get what you pay for and polo shirts are no exception.  At the cheap end you can get the same disadvantages as with t-shirts.  The fabric is crap, sizes are notional.  Cheap polo shirts are the size and width of a flag, regardless of the size on the label.  With no structure in them they distort as easily as t-shirts.

So you need to spend a little money to get something good.  Here are the secrets of polo shirts.

Fabric

Most regular polos are made of cotton pique, which is a stretchy woven cotton with an interlocking diamond stitch and a fine texture.  Buy polos made of good pique.  Go take a look at polos and compare the fabric.  You want:

Pique

Stronger, heavier pique.  Pick a pique that feels stronger, weighs more, that is thicker.  Thickness is not the only criteria but a heavier pique will retain its shape longer. 

Best weave.  The interlocking stitch of the weave is important.  The weave on a cheap polo shirt is looser, so will lose its shape quicker.  A tighter weave, which requires stronger pique, will hold its shape better, washup better.  Gant are good here, Pringle are good here. 

Structure

Try to get polo shirt which has a stitched structure.  Above all, try to get a polo shirt with a yoked neck and shoulder, it will hold its shape better.  See the picture below.

Pringle Polo shirt - back view, showing yoke

 Get a polo shirt with a side seam (under the armpit and own to the hip).  Without a side-seam, they are just t-shirts with a collar.  See the picture below.

Gant Polo -side seam

Get a polo shirt which has double-stitched seams.  These will hold their shape far longer.  See the picture below;

Gant Polo - double-stitched seams

Fitted polos

All fitted shirts flatter your shape, fitted polos do the same. Their obvious advantage is that they do not bag and do not make you look like a fat slob.  Here is a picture of a Pringle fitted polo from their premium range;

Pringle Italian collection Polo

Colour

Polo shirts are by and large are a big blast of a single colour.  If you know what colours suit you, you are way ahead of the game, and saving money at the same time.  You buy the one that works for you.

 If you want that Americana look, with contrasting colours/yokes, variations on the button set I am with you.  It adds excitement to the Polo look, and a touch of sophistication.  I like the vintage ranges by Lyle and Scott,  and The Original Penguin.  
 

Premium polos

There is a whole area we have not touched, which is premium polos.  Here the fabrics are finer, sea island cotton, cashmere, fine wool mixes.  Think of it as an advanced class, to be taken another time.  However the undisputed masters of this style are John Smedley.  Smedley are a style powerhouse, here.  Read their story, you will be amazed.

So this is it for skin and polo shirts.  See below for links to the other articles in this series.

More in this series

 To read the other articles in this series:

Part 1: How clothes work on a date, is here 

Part 2: Shoes and black shirts, is here

Part 4: Jackets, hair and knitwear, is here

Part 5: Smell, look and attitude, is here

Men’s Fragrances: How to choose them, is here

Men’s Fragrances: 20 Good Fragrances reviewed, is here 

Details

Cosmetics

The Organic Pharmacy is here

Sk:N is here

Ahava is here

Kiehls is here

Anthony Logistics for Men is here

Elemis is here

Nickel is here

REN is here

Polo Shirts

Pringle of Scotland is here

Gant is here

Original Penguin is here

Lyle and Scott are here

John Smedley are here

Style Do’s and Don’ts for dating

If you came here from Part 1 of the dating do’s and don’ts series you will know that this is the first post where we give specific clothes recommendations.  This post is about solid colour shirts and good shoes.  For links to the other posts on skincare, jackets etc see the bottom of this article.    

For the where-to-buy references for the clothes recommended here, see the listings at the bottom of this article. 

For our American readers

We have a lot of readers in the US and I need to point out that a number of the brands we refer to in these articles are based in England.  So wherever possible we have put pictures of the clothes, so it is possible to understand the point of the recommendation, without needing to have access to the actual brand.  Recommendations for US brands that produce similar clothes are happily accepted as comments on the article.    

No 1.  DON’T: The Black Shirt.  DO: Solid colour shirts

Black dress shirts.  Oh God.  Just say no.

There are so any things wrong with a black dress shirt that it is hard to know where to start. 

Let’s start with the facts.  For most men, black dress shirts are incredibly aging, they throw dark shadows on your face, emphasise those lines down from your nose to the corners of your mouth.  If you have any grey in your hair or grey skin tones then the black shirt emphasises it, making you look older and tired.  If you smoke, a black shirt heavily amplifies the grey in your skin, those dark pores that smokers get, and your skin look really dirty.  Why would a woman want to kiss that face?

Black shirts also have bad social connotations.  Older guys without style buy black dress shirts, often because their rock heroes wear black.  Black shirt says no personal style, out of touch, emotionally and socially old.  Van Morrison dresses all in black and with that fat little body, his head looks like a boiled pink ham sticking out of his collar.  I love Van Morrison’s sound but the look is horrible.  The U2 guy, Bono, dresses all in black.  He has appallingly poor dress style.  He looks like the sleazy pimp character played by Dustin Hoffman in the movie Midnight Cowboy.

Ratso Rizzo in Midnight Cowboy

There is also the colour issue.  Westerners react viscerally, emotionally and very predictably to particular colours.  The psychology of colour is well-documented, as are our sub-conscious responses to individual colours.  With black, you are sending a message that you are dominant, aloof, aggressive, emotionally closed.  Depending on how you approach women, some of this might help your inner game but it will not overcome the disadvantages listed above.   

Black is a very difficult to wear well.  If you wear black clothes, it ages you, makes you look older and less healthy.  If you wear a black jacket, you really have to liven it up with a coloured shirt, lighter trousers.  Because the shirt is the visual focus of your outfit, a black shirt completely overpowers the rest of your look.  The dynamics of men’s clothing are such that you cannot shift the focus from your shirt.  Give yourself a fighting chance, no black shirts.

The Deathzone

Black button-down dress shirts (the ones with white buttons). The worst possible combination, it suggests that you are brain-damaged. 

Stylish women hate black shirts on men, for all the reasons listed above.

Solid colour shirts

Solid colour shirts do look good, their fundamental virtue is that they frame your face.  Equally important from a dating perspectiveis that solid colour shirts give life and colour to your face and give a focus to your outfit.  Solid colour shirt shirts also work well with gray jackets, the grey acts as a neutral to direct attention to the colour of the shirt.  Handy, because lots of men own a grey jacket.      

The obvious choice here is Navy-Blue, a colour to which people react very well.  Midnight navy is very good for dating, it is a colour that says, emotionally mature, intelligent, competent.  All of these are high status signifiers for women to pick up on.     

Here is a Navy-Blue shirt from Salerno-based shirtmaker Eterno, they have a shop in London’s swanky Conduit Street.  I love the sheen and the rich texture of this shirt, it is movie-star quality.

Eterno diamond-interlock weave navy shirt

There are other options

Purples and mauves are good options, especially because many of them complement pale European skins.  They bring a warmth and definition to a pale complexion.  At a sub-conscious level they send a message of power, high-status, and character.    

Here is one I bought earlier, from those delightful Italian craftsmen tailors at Nino’s, in London’s Soho.

Nino's mauve texture pattern shirt

Just to prove that not only Italians do solid colour well, here is a very stylish slim fit microcord shirt from Burberry.  This is a very clever take on an old style.  Definitely not old-school, this would work well with skinny trousers. 

Burberry microcord shirt

Weaves and textures

The mauve shirt above (from Nino’s) has a texture pattern.  Such shirts are very useful (and look very stylish) on older men.  Not as bold as a print-patterned shirt, its muted pattern is interesting, draws attention to the quality of the shirt.  It is different, which once again refers back to your capability to discriminate, your discernment.  Women infer a lot from signals like this, that you have learnt good taste.

Similarly this shirt, which has a corded texture in the weave. 

Corneliani deep red shirt

 Weaves are really useful.  They give texture and interest to your shirt.  They increase the visual excitement of your look, especially if you team them with a plain cloth jacket.  

Advanced style – weaves and patterns.

So patterns are a good way to introduce some joie de vivre into a solid colour shirt.  Again, a solid colour shirt with a pattern works incredibly well under a plain solid colour jacket.  Here is a possible economy.  If you do not have much cash, but you have a solid colour untextured plaincloth suit jacket, add a patterned solid colour shirt and a complementary pocket handkerchief.  It’s a sexy, glamourous look for not much money.

Here is an example, using the shirt shown previously.

Textured shirt, plain jacket

 

Shirt colours and you

The secret to success here is knowing that the base colour works for you.  Many women, politicians and actors have a colour analysis done by a style consultant.  It is an easy thing to have done and it gives you a detailed understanding of what colours look good on you.               

No 2.  DON’T: Broken dirty shoes.  DO: Own at least one good pair of well-made shoes

Shoes are key.  Women always check out your shoes.  Slightly off-topic, but if a man goes for a job interview, smart interviewers check out their shoes.  It is a shortcut to getting a take on a candidate. 

Dirty, scabbed-up shoes tell a woman that you have poor personal hygiene, do not have much self-respect or enough respect for others to present yourself cleanly.  Some studies say that dirty shoes lead women to suspect that a man has bad sexual manners, is rough and discourteous.  Dirty shoes make women feel unsettled and vulnerable.  Old chap, that mood will not advance your date….

Poor shoes wear out really quickly.  Beware cheap “Italian-style” shoes (which are usually made in China).  These have very little internal structure, the leather is crap and they wear out in weeks.

Other shoe don’ts

Do not turn up on a date wearing trainers, unless it is a walking or excercise-themed date.  Trainers say “I don’t care”, arrested development, still a kid.  Also, unless straight out of the box, trainers smell. Bad. 

Earth shoes are not a good look; they fit right into the cant-be-bothered category.  That unstructured look they have, like a fat pancake, the formaldehyde pate for a sole?  They make your feet look huge, so unattractive.  This goes double for Krocs.  There is relaxed and there is lazy.

Listen, one of the things that will work in your favour, is if your date has a good story to tell her friends afterwards.  If she can say, “he wore these great shoes, beautifully polished”, then you are so much closer to a second date.  Several of my women friends said the same thing, “if you spend money on only one thing, make it shoes”.

The Deathzone

Long-point “Italian” style shoes, dirty no-shape (curled like a Harem slipper) the toe leather scabbed and split, with the glossy top layer of leather torn / missing around the point of the toe.  Why do I see so many men wearing shoes like this?

Good shoes

Buying at least one pair of good shoes is essential.  This is a simple exercise, as there are only two style choices, English or Italian. 

English Style

English classic shoes are handsome and hard-wearing.  They are made using a process known as Good-year welting.  This is an intermediate layer (welt), which allows for a more durable construction using heavier leathers.  We wrote extensively on English classic leather shoes here.  Classic American brands, such as Alden, have the same characteristics, durable leathers and a strong welted construction.

Italian Style

Italian shoes are lighter, use a much simpler stitching architecture and have tons of style.  However the lightness of their design means they do not last as long as English-style shoes and they need more care (if you want to keep them looking good).        

So whatever way you go, you need to spend some money.  With English shoes you can buy something which works for both business and dating.  With Italian shoes you get such lovely style but they will not suffer much business wear.  If you can afford both styles, well and good.  

Choosing Shoes

Here are some examples, divided into ad-hoc categories.  This is easy, there are so many good brands.  Lets start at the top and work down:

Sexy shoes for dating

These are for making an immediate impact.

English – Jeffery West

Every dandy should own a pair of these.  Sexiest-evah shoes for men.  I have had so many compliments from women about my Jeffery West shoes.  Here is a pair I own: 

Jeffery West long brogue in bookbinder leather

Jeffery West are a bit of cult in England, partly because they reference the dandyish sexy English men’s styles of the sixties.  

Italian – Ceseare Paciotti

These slip-ons in patent leather with feature stitching are typical of Paciotti shoes.  High style, some bling and incredibly comfortable to wear.

Cesar Paciotti slipon

I have a real liking for Paciotti shoes, they say La Dolce Vita high style like no others. 

Classic shoes

If you style is classic, then overtly sexy may not work for you, but classic with flair is easy to do.  Here are some examples.

English – Church

Here is a lively Church double monkstrap in pale chestnut.  So two-for-the-price-of-one, a really stylish work shoe and a great shoe for a more casual look. 

Church' chestnut monkstrap

Italy – Sutor Mantellassi

Sutor Mantellassi make beautiful handmade shoe at their factory in Florence.  Here are a pair of their hand-coloured shoes, also in a pale chestnut but very different from the Church monkstraps.  These are a pair of Gibsons beautifully cut from a single piece of leather.     

Sutor Mantellassi hand-coloured Gibsons

More Casual (but still stylish)

English – Albam

Albam make some of the finest casual clothes I have ever seen.  Their clothes are made of quality fabrics and hand-finished.  Their shoes are “collaborations” between themselves and classic shoemakers.  I tried the shoes below a couple of days ago.  They are seriously cool, very comfortable and very light.  They are a hard waxed canvas, made in collaboration with the famous Dr Martens.  Though casual and light, they are also very trim and handsome.

Albam "Lester"

Italy – Ferragamo

These suede loafers are downright beautiful, the colour is a perfect golden tan.  Casual and comfortable, but the classic loafer design gives them structure and class.  Refined enough that you could wear them with a blue or grey suit.

Ferragamo golden-brown loafers

So this is it for coloured shirts and shoes. As always, your feedback is most welcome. 

More in this series

To read the other articles in this series:

Part 1: How clothes work on a date, is here 

Part 3: Good skin and bad t-shirts, is here

Part 4: Jackets, hair and knitwear, is here

Part 5: Smell, look and attitude, is here

Men’s Fragrances: How to choose them, is here

Men’s Fragrances: 20 Good Fragrances reviewed, is here 

Details

Shirts

Eterno, Shirtmakers from Salerno, are in London, here

Nino’s are here

Burberry are here

Corneliani are here

Shoes

Jeffery West are here

Cesare Paciotti are here

Church are here

Sutor Mantellassi are here

Albam are here

Ferragamo are here

These articles started out as a complaint about badly-dressed men and then two things happened.  A good friend of mine, a woman, was complaining about how badly men dress for dates. In fact, women friends of mine have been asking me to write this group of articles for a long time. 

That conversation reminded me that there is very little practical advice for men about what clothes are good for dating (and why) so I decided to write some very specific pieces about the subject.

Many articles on clothes for dating are vague to the point of uselessness. 

Everything in the following articles is based on facts, research and experience and is as specific as possible.  Some of the recommendations here are very direct and some readers may not like them.  However, as we used to say about difficult jobs back when I was consulting, “you don’t have to like it, you just have to do it”.  If you try these recommendations and they work, maybe you will come to like them.  However, even if you do not like these recommendations, they are specific, and give you something to work with.

What happens on a first date – the visual dynamics

This first piece is about what happens when you turn up for a date.  The emotional dynamics are important here so we are going to briefly delve into what they are.  This piece is the foundation for the four articles that follow, and underpins all of the recommendations.    This is a summary overview of dating dynamics as they relate to clothes, it is not a how-to-date guide.  There are huge amount written on dating and relationships from a man’s perspective. This and the following articles are not a guide to dating.  However clothes bring a lot to dating, especially first dates, and here is my take on the ways in which you can dress to help yourself succeed on a date.    For more on how to date successfully see the sites referred to at the bottom of this article. 

Establishing your presence is key 

First dates are not personal, you have to make them so.  You and the woman you are dating, come to the date with a set of win/lose good/bad criteria that you intend to use to determine if this is a person you want to form a relationship with.  You (and she) may be an efficient dater, and may have a string of first dates lined up, which makes it even less personal.  It is two strangers trying to build a base friendship, in a relatively short space of time.      

So when you meet, you need to establish a presence.  I am (obviously) on the side of men, so I want you to establish a presence that gives you an advantage in the dating game. 

The Eight Second Rule

Style consultants, business and personal presence coaches talk about the “eight second rule”.  The psychology of human interaction is such that a person makes up their mind whether they like you or not in the first eight seconds of meeting.  After which it is very difficult to change that person’s mind.  If I am going to be honest I have met people who I have disliked at first sight.  That was the eight second rule in action.     

What’s going on here is that everybody receives a huge amount of information from their environment.  The conscious brain can only consciously handle a fraction of this information and so the sub-conscious processes the rest.  Your sub-conscious makes your decision for you.  All of this is a hangover from our animal past, when speed of reaction counted for more than conscious thought.                 

So you need to make an impact in eight seconds.  In eight seconds you may not even have opened your mouth.  So non-verbal communication is very important on first contact.  

When these two meet he has 8 seconds to make his preferred impression

So what matters?  Some key factors are;

Attitude

You must have presence or your date will be tempted to control the frame of the conversation and dominate the date.  Steering the date (to meet your objectives) is your job.   

When I was younger I was once in the presence of Terence Stamp, the English movie star.  He had a massive presence, it was like being with a king or a high priest.  It was the same quality that makes him a scene-stealing stand out in movies.  Years later, I read an interview with him on how he does it.  I no longer have it but if anyone Googles it and finds it, send me a mail.

Terence Stamp

Personally I am always looking for short-cuts to building presence.  I had two really annoying attitudinal habits that I used to display when I met someone for the first time.  I used EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique), to get rid of one completely and moderate the other to the point of irrelevance.  EFT allowed me to do this very quickly.  There is a fierce debate over whether EFT is a true therapy or junk science, so I cannot directly recommend it to you.  The Wikipaedia article on EFT is here.  The internet allows you to make up your own mind.

I will cover attitude in greater detail in another article.  This one is about clothes.      

Posture

Technically Posture is part of attitude, or at least closely related.  Women always notice your posture, men mostly forget.  Once, in a moment of painful (for me) honesty, my first wife gave me some observations about my posture.  She was right about how my posture let me down.  I have never forgotten those observations and tried over a number of years to rectify postural errors.  Once again, a subject for a future article.  At minimum, stand tall and proud, do not slouch like a schlub, it is unsexy.    

Place

Place is very important for a first date.  Game and Pick-up sites have a huge amount to say about this.  Similarly, many of the aphorisms in Sun Tzu’s Art of War are about picking the ground you fight on.  I am working on a piece about this, there is so much you can do with place, in order to further you’re dating objectives.   But on to the clothes.   

Clothes

Of all the things that you bring to managing the eight second rule, clothes are the easiest to improve and manage.  With a little knowledge and some money you can massively upgrade your presence.  Clothes let you visually set a style and status before you speak, which with the eight second rule, is exactly what you want.  Both in Europe and America we live in an age where, courtesy of the baby-boomers and their childish love of jeans, men dress badly.  If you dress well, you are already elevated above the schlubs on the street.  

Boggi Italian ready-to-wear

 

High Status appearance

Studies have definitively shown that women find high-status men more attractive than low status men, regardless of how good looking the lower status men were.  How did the women in these studies assess the status of men?  They looked at photos of men and judged by the men’s appearance in the photos.   Clothes confer status.

Game practitioners (the art and practice of dating and seducing women) talk about higher and lower social value.  That to engage a woman’s interest you have to display higher social status.  One immediate way to demonstrate status is to dress well.   Some clothes, such as jeans or t-shirts, say lowest common denominator.

There are many, many studies of dating.  One of the key findings is how disappointed women are by the way their dates dress.  Women say  “I wear good clothes, shoes, makeup.  I look attractive and sexy”.  “My date turns up in a dirty, old t-shirt and dirty smelly jeans”.  There are endless variations on this complaint.  Many of my female friends say the same thing.  From their point of view, they are looking for high-status males and what they get are men who are demonstrating from the outset that they are lower status.  So, if you want to engage your date’s interest, present yourself as being of high social status.  At the very least, you will start the date with her respecting you.

Women and clothes

Women are born and grow up in a world of clothes and grooming, so it becomes second nature to them.  They instinctively assess men and other women’s appearance.  On the other hand, once again courtesy of the baby-boomers, we now have three generations of men who have no clue about clothes.  So if you dress better than the norm, you are already doing better than most men, because women see this.

Quality clothing

Quality tells its own story.  It also tells a lot about you.  That you can discriminate intelligently, identify the good things in life, have good taste.  As a man it may take you a while to learn what quality clothing is, but women can identify it in a heartbeat.  Use this to your advantage.  What Makes a Man majors on this, read our other articles.  

Anderson and Sheppard, Savile Row Tailors

The good date story

Good clothes work for you after the date is over.  Every woman wants to tell a good date story, your clothes are part of that story.  So, the next day, when your date is at work in the office or the strip-club or wherever she works, her girlfriends will want to know how it went and what “he” (you) was like. 

So if she can say that “He was really well-dressed, he wore this really stylish blue shirt and a gray jacket” it reinforces her good memories/associations of you.  If she can also say “he smelt really good, he was wearing Calvin Klein Eternity” (colognes and smells are covered here), that is even better.  It has the added advantage of softening up her friends, who you will have to meet (if you continue to date her).  Make no mistake, a woman’s friends can really sabotage your romance, so use all the advantages you can get.  Her presentation of you (to them) is a strong enabler.

Calvin Klien Eternity for Men

Why dress well?

You are not doing it to look wealthy, you are looking to display high social status. These things are different in intent. 

The last thing you want is for a woman to feel that you are a walking meal ticket.  However, good clothes are a powerful  enabler. They signal to your date that you are of high social status before you open your mouth, and continue to be so all the time you are with your date.

You have to do the rest.  Good Luck.

More in this series

To read the other articles in this series:

Part 2: Shoes and coloured shirts, is here

Part 3: Good skin and bad t-shirts, is here

Part 4: Jackets, hair and knitwear, is here

Part 5: Smell, look and attitude, is here

Men’s Fragrances: How to choose them, is here

Men’s Fragrances: 20 Good Fragrances reviewed, is here 

Details

Clothes

Boggi, Italian ready-to-wear clothes, are here

Anderson and Sheppard, Savile Row Bespoke Tailor, is here 

Calvin Klein lifestyle brand is here

Dating

There is a profusion of dating sites.  Here are some I read;

Chateau Heartiste is here

PostMasculine is here

RooshV is here

Daygame is here

This is interesting and rather timely.

According to a study done by Elizabeth Dunn, Assistant professor of the Dapartment of Pyschology, University of British Columbia, men and women who are romantically involved react differently to receiving gifts.

Crucially, if a man receives a gift which he perceives as “bad” (less suitable than he expects) he will then rate his partner as less similar to him, with the potential for this to damage the relationship. In fact men in receipt of a “bad” gift will often rate the future of their relationship more negatively, saying for example, that they would be less likely to get married! Women however, take a positive view when receiving a “bad” gift.

The British Psychological Society has a research digest wesite, which has a very readable summary of the research here. The article is titled “Why you should take extra care when buying a gift for a man” and I think they are only half joking…..

What very few men realise is that Women love all gifts.  They love presents, whether they it is a postcard or a pearl necklace.  However small (or large) it is, it shows that you have been thinking about them.   

 A man always enjoys buying gifts for women, it is one of the most pleasant ways to spend money.  Check back with us for further articles on stylish gifts for woman (for all budgets).