Yesterday was Cary Grant’s birthday. He has been gone a few years now (he died in 1986) but we always celebrate it here at What Makes A Man because for us he defines manly style. Last year we wrote about his movies and his personal style. That article is here. This article is a day late, but we treasure his memory.

This year I am going to write about what I learnt from Cary Grant. I have learnt many lessons from Mr Grant and here are ten of them. To help readers who enjoy his sense of style I have also added a guideline on the clothes he wore so well.

No1 Clothes are the raw material of self creation
As an adolescent Cary Grant was poor and badly educated. However he had a passionate desire to make something of his life and realised that he could start to inhabit the world he wanted to be part of by wearing the clothes of the lifestyle he aspired to. In doing that he was right on the money.

Implicit in choosing clothes well is the understanding that you create yourself. I learnt from Mr Grant that I need to know who I was going to create, when I dressed. We all take in lots of information, every second of the day. In one minute a person takes in over 3,000 pieces of information a second, most of it visual. However the brain can only process 800 pieces of information a second. So we all end up absorbing a lot of information that we react to at an instinctual level. When you meet another person they make an assessment of you in the first eight seconds. Before you open your mouth. Studies show that it takes a huge amount of effort to change that first impression. Clothes help you make the impression you want.

From clothes came other things. To live the life I wanted I needed to understand wine, good manners, how to write, amongst a host of other things. I chose clothes carefully and saw the effect my clothes had on people. That gave me the confidence to grow other areas of life.

Clothes will always be important, you can use that.

No 2 The importance is in the details
Cary Grant once said “It takes 500 small details to add up to a favourable impression”. He was famous for knowing his job in intimate detail. Stories abound of him supporting his co-actors. He could do this because he had mastered his own part and had competence to spare. When I dress I think about the event and decide what is appropriate. If I am meeting someone for the first time I research them. I want to get to know them and it is easier to do that if you have some clues. All the details add up to success.

No3 Confidence is sexy
Clothes are not sexy, a confident man in good clothes is sexy. Cary Grant carried himself well, was comfortable in his own skin. Good clothes help. When I had my first Kilgour of Savile Row suit made I was used to wearing Italian suits and the Kigour felt a lot stiffer. However after I wore it the first time it felt like a second skin. Now I always wear it when I want that extra bit of assurance.

However it is not just clothes, a man needs to be able to present himself confidently when meeting people. Cary Grant worked at being able to express himself gracefully but equally importantly he also worked at actively listening. He was gracious and looked for good in people. He genuinely liked people and was interested in their lives.  He also actively managed himself, always presenting himself with confidence.  He knew that people had an expectation of him, he lived up to it.

It took me the longest time to learn to listen rather than talk, but I think I am getting it.

And the clincher is women. All my female friends who are dating say the same thing, a man who is sure of himself is sexy.

No 4 Know your style
What style suits you? Do you look good in classic English suits? Romantic Italian suits? Are you a natural man, look good in chunky cable-stitch sweater and corduroys? Cary Grant worked this out long before style and image consultants existed.

Image consultants use a number of style “types” to determine what clothes suit a man. A “classic” type man looks good in classic English-cut suits. A “romantic” type man looks good in those curved softer shoulder Italian suits. Cary Grant was mostly a classic type, which explains why he looked so good in English-cut suits.

You can have this, find a style and image consultant, get them to assess your body shape, style type and get them to tell you what clothes are good for you. It will be one of the cheapest investments you ever make.  Here is one I recommend, they do very good work.

Otherwise do as Cary Grant did, experiment, shop for clothes carefully, look for what suits you. If you are in doubt, take with you someone whose judgement you trust, until the time comes when you trust your own.

No 5 Stay Fit
No amount of good clothing will disguise the fact if you are overweight. The brutal truth is that you cannot look good with a fat belly. It also tells other people a lot about you, primarily that you do not look after yourself. Are fat men good in bed? No. Do women know this? Yes.

Watch Grant in “It takes a Thief”, his Hitchcock caper movie. He swims onto the beach at Cannes and the camera catches his body in a mid-distance shot. He was fifty at the time and superbly fit. He worked at it, but not obsessively.

Some of the other benefits of staying fit is that you look younger and you have that extra vitality which makes you quicker, sharper and more agreeable to be with.

No 6 You are entitled to aspire, to re-invent yourself
This concept will not come as a surprise for American readers of What Makes A Man. Cary Grant started dirt-poor and ignorant. Rather than accept it, he began a life-long journey of self-improvement. It was not easy, he talked about being neither Archie Leach (the poor Bristolian boy) or Cary Grant and being suspicious of both. However he never gave up and he became the person he wanted. We can all leave our pasts behind, it is not easy and there are times when we slip back, but it can be done, it just takes hard work. Cary Grant is an inspiration to all men.

No 7 Classy is good manners and a pleasant personality
Actually what Cary Grant said was that a man can go a long way with good manners and a pleasant personality. I also find that good manners and a willingness to smile and enjoy another’s company really helps you get along in life.

I was on nodding acquaintance with a very stylish salesman who worked in a menswear store in Bond Street. I cannot mention his name and if you read on you will see why. I was a customer but not in the same league as some of his other customers, who were very wealthy indeed. Whenever I was near the store I would pop in to chat with him. He had a fantastic eye for colour and could put together superb combinations of clothes, in a way that most men cannot. I often complimented him on his style sense. It seems to me that a key part of good manners is to appreciate people for their skills, rather than maintain a “cool” distance.

I went to the store during a sale and he served me. I had already chosen one suit when I realised that the suit he was wearing would suit me perfectly. I told him this and he said “yes, it would”. The suit was not in the sale, in fact it was not even on the racks. I was disappointed; the suit was perfect for me.

I mentioned it again while the first suit was being marked for alterations. He looked at me and said, “wait here and have a cup of coffee”. Twenty minutes later he came back with a suit over his arm. He simply said “I found the suit in your size and it is the only one in the sale”. I of course bought it and it was a great suit, made me look great. I did not seek to take advantage of our cordial relationship but I did benefit from it. Manners always help.

No 8. Strive with all your might for what you want.
Cary Grant met his fifth wife, Barbara Harris, when he was 72. She was 26. When they first met, she was reluctant to spend time with Grant, there was clearly a gulf between them both of age and lifestyle. However Cary Grant courted her ardently. Like so many other achievements in his life he put every effort into wooing her. It took time, but in the end she could not resist him. She fell in love with him, they married, and altogether they had ten years of happiness together. Some people never have ten years of happiness. They did because he strove to win her, against all conventional wisdom.

No 9 Enjoy what you do.
Lots of actors complain about what they do, the public are too invasive, they do not get to make the movies they want, their personal lives suffer from the constant travelling, etc. Cary Grant loved what he did, there are countless tales of him turning up on set on his day off, of volunteering to help co-stars learn their lines, of him building friendships with crew, writers and directors.

You know how it is when you do not love what you do, the long days, the glacial clock that never seems to move. When you love what you do you are although more alive, more connected and happy.

N0 10 Have a lively curiousity
Cary Grant enjoyed life. For the whole of his life he learnt. He kept clippings files of information about subjects he wanted to learn about. He cultivated new acquaintances outside of his field, who served as his experts on all sorts of subjects. Like many men,in later life, he wanted answers to the big questions, why are we here? Where do we go? He explored psychotherapy, mind-expanding drugs and Taoism. Curiousity about the world keeps you alive, gives you new worlds to explore when the ones you know are stale and unrewarding.

Thank you, Mr Grant

For me Cary Gant was the very model of a man. Masculine, stylish, intelligent, personable and kind. He gave us a way of being that many of us emulate, consciously or unconsciously. I say he is best remembered not as an actor but as a real man, who did much good in the world. So this year, as every year, thank you for everything Mr Grant.

Cary Grant style
Below are some brief notes on the clothing brands that Cary Gant used to wear. Each note has a link to that companies’ website. It is a further tribute to Grant that, with his timeless sense of style, most of the companies he bought from are still trading today.

Kilgour
One of Savile Row’s best tailors, Kilgour make a classic English suit, padded shoulders, moderately drawn in waist. However there is a slight Italianate curve in a Kilgour suit, making their cut fractionally softer than most other Savile Row tailors. Once you have had one of their bespoke suits make for you, you will not want anything else.

Turnbull and Asser
Jermyn Street shirtmaker whose ready-to-wear and made-to-measure shirts are amongst the best in the world. Their cottons are of excellent quality and the finishing (stitching) of their shirts is beautiful.

Anderson and Sheppard
One of the oldest Savile Row tailors with a timeless classic style. The Anderson and Sheppard suit has a wider shoulder, a soft drape to the cut and a long narrow and very flattering silhouette.

Hawes and Curtis
These English shirtmakers have changed a lot since Grant’s day and now specialise in serviceable ready-to-wear shirts.

N. Peal
Sell the finest cashmere in England. They operate on a level above other knitwear makers with inventive designs and colours, all exclusively designed for them in sumptuous top-quality cashmere.

Cordings
The English gentlemen’s country outfitter par excellence. Masters of corduroy, tweed and canvas, their clothes are classic, stylish and hardwearing. Like many other men of good taste, Gary Grant bought their distinctive raincoats.

Brooks Brothers
The American classic. Brooks Brothers have a magnificent range of off-the-peg classic suits. Their suit cut is slightly more narrow in the shoulders than an English suit and complements the taller man (Cary Grant was 6ft 2in.). Unbeatable value and deep-in-the-bone style.

Aquascutum
Masters of the slim, rakish English-cut suit. Just now returning to the glorious style of their hey-day, when Cary Grant was a customer, under the inspired leadership of Kim Winser. Their ready-to-wear suits are imaginative and modern and they have a very classy Bespoke service.  Understated British style.